1)    Before fraternally correcting someone, one must make a distinction between the goodness of being (the person) and the evil action. We must affirm the person and condemn the action.

 

2)    In fraternal correction, the error to be corrected must be a grave and serious one (not every little imperfection or else it is neurotic obsession)

 

3)    Fraternal correction is an act of charity and must be done. If you do not fraternally correct someone, you would be committing a sin (In the Old Testament, God warns us of the danger we are in if we do not warn the sinner of his ways).  Cowardice and fear would be a sin on our part.

 

4)    Fraternal correction must be done in a delicate and charitable way involving sincerity and true interest of love for the authentic good of the person

 

5)    In fraternal correction, pain will be felt by both corrector and corrected since it is something that will touch a wound and smart (like the work of a doctor or dentist). The hurt and healing process involved is for one’s authentic good.

 

6)    A person who is emotionally affirmed has good self-esteem and humility. His ability to recognize his qualities and defects allows him to accept correction with the mutual growth of another affirmed person.

 

7)    An emotionally unaffirmed person confuses and confounds correction with negation or denial. He reacts negatively to fraternal correction due to his lack of self-esteem, inferiority and superiority complex that leads to intolerance and an unreal image of himself. He doesn't recognize anything that needs improvement. The affirmer and corrector, in this case, need to be very patient.

 

8)    There are cases in which an unaffirmed person tries to correct an affirmed person (like a young child who points out faults in his parents). The parents understand, laugh and accept it.

 

9)    In the case of two unaffirmed people, the result is only infantile bickering. They simply do not know how to correct each other. The fraternal correction ends up turning into aggressiveness and denial. Their hyper-sensibility also makes things worse. The wound from non-affirmation is what causes all the pain.

 

10)                        They also begin to manifest infantile attitudes such as:

 

-turning their face away

-remaining in a sullen silence

-becoming distant and cold

-despising look

-verbal aggression

-vile threats

 

11)                       A perturbed, displeasing, false, tense, hypocritical and childish type of climate is created between the two

 

12)                        Fraternal correction, in this case, becomes imposition, insistence, intolerance, stubbornness. It attacks the other’s free will, freedom and liberty and does not respect the other’s capability to receive.

 

13)                        Fraternal correction turns into a means of subtle self-affirmation to satisfy an ego full of hunger for power, denial and self-triumph over the failings of the other. The bottom line is: I will  prove you wrong in order to show that, though I too have defects, am still better than you (self-affirmation)

 

14)                        In Jesus’ teaching, we are to fraternally correct in three ways:

 

-in private (to save the reputation of the other)

-if the person doesn’t listen, then to reinforce the argument calling on the presence of more people (to convince and convert the person)

- If he still doesn’t listen, bring him to the highest authorities (to show the seriousness of the problem). It will be the last attempt to save him. Only when every possible means have been used does one make the final decision to remove the person.

 

15)                        Before judging others, remember to:

 

-see the possible good in the person’ actions and capitalize on it to establish a friendship

- see the good will on their part and personal efforts they used to try to improve themselves. Give them credit for what they intended and did. Help them in this aspect. Applaud and cheer them on for their own good and do not wish their fall and destruction.

-respect their opinions and allow them to speak without judging them

-ask questions mutually without making any judgments. Do not monopolize the conversation

-don’t bring extraneous subjects that are unnecessary or obsolete to the conversation

 

16)                       Tips for improving fraternal correction:

 

-pray together before you begin

-pray for the healing of emotional wounds

-pray for an open heart and spirit ready to listen sincerely

-pray to be available for light and happy moments spent together

-pray to end the temptation to seek outside dangerous mates

-pray not to shout or yell and to maintain a serene and calm spirit

-pray for reconciliation and dialogue

-pray for mutual respect and the end of aggressiveness and threats

-pray for the success of your employment and work

-pray for the strength needed in trials and tribulations you will face

-pray to have time for art, recreation and sport

-pray for the sharing of money and riches and good administration

-pray to be always truthful and sincere

-pray never to judge anyone

-pray to be free of gossipers and tattle-tellers

-pray to respect the property of each without destroying it

 

Questions for religious community:

 

-Who is the most affirming nun that inspires trust?

-How has the community affirmed you?

-in what way does the community need to be bettered and improved?

-which nun is the least affirmed in your community?

-what attitude will I take before her:

 

a)     Tolerate the defect, accept the dark side and be open to the good will and efforts she has taken to improve, affirming the good present in her that I can see

b)    Be revengeful, a denier, and attacking back in a childish and infantile way with immaturity

 

Father Anthony Mellace